A Bad Day

It is 12:00am and I can't sleep. I tried to go to bed early (10pm) and it failed. I took DS to San Diego today to go to the beach again. Our house was being cleaned and we had to be out of the house anyways. Might as well go to the beach ...right?
Anyways, I was in a weird mood when I got there. I felt tired, but not sleepy tired. I just felt out of it. I felt like a party pooper.
We went out to see my friend and her kids who are staying at a beach house with her family for two weeks. I just felt like I was dragging them down with my weird "mood". Anyways, she convinced me to stay for dinner and go back home after traffic, so I did.
That evening before dinner, my DS began to have fit because he could not play with a gun like the other boys. He wanted the gun they have not the small one. His little fit turned into an absolute break down and he would not pull himself together. The more he cried, the more upset he got, and the more mad he got. We was kicking and screaming and even trying to hit me and bite me. It was horrible and I did not know what to do. At that point, giving him a spanking was not going to help. We just need to get out of there and go home. However, I dreaded the thought of dragging him to the car that was parked down the street. I had to carry my kicking and screaming son plus all my beach bags. My friend came out and helped me. He still would not calm down on the way to the car. It took both of us to get him to the car. I felt like such a horrible mother. "What did I do wrong?" I asked myself. "Why is my child so incredible upset over such a stupid thing". I was embarrassed and concerned.
We finally got him into my car seat and I drove off to head home on my 1.5 hour drive back. He continued to cry and kick the front seat for at least 15 more minutes.
After finally settling down and allowing me to stop and get us some food so we could eat some sort of dinner before we went home, I started to feel better and enjoy the pretty sunset behind us. It was a gorgeous ride home until....I saw flashing lights behind me asking me to pull over. Yep! I got my very first speeding ticket EVER! I was shocked. I really don't think I was speeding and I honest think he was ticket happy because he drove from one car to my car and then pulled over another car after giving me my ticket. He said I was driving 84 mph, which is BS! I never drive over 80 and I saw that he was there ahead of time and slowed down before I passed him. I know I slowed down to 65 and might have creaped up to 70 because of the hill. After passing him, I passed the car he just pulled over and that was just pulling out and gaining speed. He said that car was going 76 mph which is BS too. There is no way that car could reach 76 mph that fast by the time I past him.
Anyways...when he asked me for my driver's license and registration I told him that this was my very first time getting a ticket and that I was 33 years old. After saying that I felt the tears starting to roll through. Next thing I knew I was balling.

The police officer just said, "Wow that is amazing, good job, please let me see your drivers license, proof of insurance, and registration." as I continued to cry and get even more upset when I could not find my proof of insurance and gave him an expired registration.
Thankfully he told me to please have my proof of insurance in my wallet when I get home and keep it there. Then he handed me the ticket. After he left my car and got in his, I continued to cry and cry and cry my eyes out. I could not stop. Much like my DS earlier. Only I was not kicking, screaming, and biting the police officer. Although, it would have been nice. :wink:
I had to sit there a while because I cried so muck I was dizzy and light headed, not ready to drive yet. I just sat there on the side of the freeway in the mountains as the sun set and it slowly got dark.
Finally I started up the car again and began to drive home. I started to realize that I might be able to fight my ticket. I realized that there is no way he used a radar. He said I "probably" was going 84 mph and looked up like he was thinking about it. There are way to many factors that tell me he was wrong. I suddenly felt better and thought about what I would tell the court when I went to fight the ticket. I had turned my tears into WAR PAINT.

When I finally got home. My DH came out and got DS out of the car seat and put him to bed upstairs. I started to clean out the car and get all the beach gear out that had been left in there since the weekend. I had a bike in there too. After pulling it out, my towel had gotten stuck in the chain and pulled the chain off the gears when I loosened it. I was ready to fix it right then but my DH said no I fix it tomorrow. I said, "no I would rather fix it now. I can do it"
Then he said, "No I'll do it tomorrow". After a few "back and fourths" on that topic I started to get agitated that he won't let me fix my bike now when it is not hot and the car is pulled out so there is room to do it. Finally he gave in (huffing and puffing about it) and turned the bike over to put the chain back on the spikes. Gee, funny that it only took 5 seconds to do that small little task. It almost seemed like and issue of not getting his hands dirty or something.
Anyways... that lead to some tension and I finally had to tell him to "Get off me". I had a bad day and he needed to "Get off and leave me alone". He knew I got the ticket because I called him earlier. He knew I was upset because I was crying on the phone. He knew I had a hard time with Myles before we left. Yet, for some reason he did not under stand why I would say "Get off me". So he got upset and dug a little more. With my last words ending in "F---king bad day"...I marched up stairs and got ready for bed.
Keep in mind that in the 6 years of being married to my DH, we rarely ever cuss in our home or at each other. Those are forbidden words in our relationship. They are words that come out only when they are truly meant and a line has been crossed. Thankfully, our DS had never witnessed those moments. But because they are such carefully chosen words, DH always knows I am truly upset when they come out and he actually does leave me alone. Sad that it has to come to that point and he could not take the hints from the events that happened before I got home.

So here I am venting on the computer and practically writing my journal entry on FF. I guess that Chi-Latte I had on the way home is still working to the max. I guess that is why I can't sleep. Sadly I have to go walking at 5:30am too. Ugg.